Writings from the Road
- Dazed and Confused
- Drowning
- Shooken by the World
- Poem
- Comments
- Excerpts from "What's Your Dream?" Essay Contest
- Teenagers are Amazing
- Unspeakable
- Untitled
- A Farewell
- What Thunder Road Means to Me
Dazed and Confused
A client wonders why he chooses to use
By David Y.
Going through my life
Dazed and confused
Wondering why I chose to use.
Was I living
The way I wanted to
Or was I running from my fear.
Why was I using I don’t know why.
Was I looking for an answer
Or was I looking at insanity.
My life has gone by
In what seems like a blur.
What really happened
I don’t know for sure.
I did some things
For what seems like no reason
Making mistakes was always a certainty.
I lived my life day by day.
And with no purpose
Or was my purpose to live life
With no purpose
And live lost inside of myself.
I feel locked inside myself
And I have the key inside my pocket.
Is the immaturity keeping me locked inside.
For this I don’t know, but I seek to find.
Living my life
Dazed and confused
Wondering will I find this
Piece of mind
That will free me from this world
Of mortality
And the beginning of endless possibility
That will free me from insanity
This will surely let me live
So
I take this one step
Towards my freedom
And I take this one step
Away from being
Dazed and confused.
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Drowning
Gaps and understanding
By Hhae
I look at you and my anger rages like an ocean
A vast sea of wasted feelings
And precious time.
Hurt by the things you say and do to me
And the things you don’t think I hear,
Or you don’t think I’ll find out.
They always find their way back to me.
And the gaps and oceans
Between us grow wider and vaster and deeper.
As words get between us until
Neither of us know what to say
And nothing is left to do but turn around
And look the other way.
Telling lies.
To let the other know who’s not hurt the most
When really all it does is tear me up inside.
My empty heart is screaming
Fighting the currents
Love and hate, pulling away from each other
Like the moon and the ocean
As we grow farther apart.
I want to talk
To try to work things out and
Repair the rift that keeps growing.
But words get in the way and
We get angrier and more frustrated.
But somehow as I sit here and write this
Not because I want to, but because I have to for you
And for myself
The rift seems to heal itself and the ocean doesn’t
Seem quite so bottomless.
And I’m smiling again
Because I know you’ll read this
And understand it and me and the way I feel
Because you always have and I know you always will
It’s that bond that reaches over oceans
And repair torn hearts
Something that only a best friend can understand
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Shooken by the World
A young boy stands
By Lewis
A little young boy who’s in agony
And crying for a complete life.
No mom who is there
No dad he completely love.
But still he stands.
No money that he really got
No house where he really stays
Mostly everyone he love have gone away
Or been deceased.
But still he stands
One vision that he have
But the world seems to be different
Every thought seems to be a myth
And every change
He becomes more confused
But still he stands
From a little young boy into a young man
He comes out to be successful
But scared to succeed.
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Poem
A client's journey at Thunder Road
Written by Ron B. in 2003
I'm the one people didn't think would make it,
But it made me strive harder, and I did it for real, I didn't have to fake it.
It was a hard road and I struggled along the way,
But it's a real honor to be standing here today.
I want to give a special thanks out to Thunder Road;
You helped give me a chance to pay what I owed,
All my debts to my family and society,
Without your help I wouldn't be close to 3 years into my sobriety.
You've helped me revive my mind, body, and soul,
Before I came here my heart was cold.
People assumed I was a person who didn't care,
But really I was just a little kid who was really scared.
You guys helped me prepare for the road I had ahead,
Without your help, who knows, I could've been dead.
I spent almost 12 months in that building,
It was hard, but all you guys have to be is willing.
A lot of people thought I couldn't do it - and now look,
I'm one of very few Group Homes that made it through it.
All you have to do is take your life day by day,
When you start struggling just sit down and pray.
Use the Steps and other tools that you've learned,
Just remember, don't play with fire or you'll get burned.
Life is not always how it seems,
Just keep your head up and follow your dreams.
Remember how it was - as long as you do drugs,
In the lost life you'll stay.
So do something different about your life,
Or sit back, and watch it slowly fade away.
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Comments
A client's experience on the Wilderness Trip
Written by C. W. in 2004
The Wilderness trip was very hard and uncomfortable for me, but along the way it helped me grow in many areas. Hiking up the steep mountains with a heavy pack on my back and the sun beaming on my face has taught me a lot of self-discipline. Many times I wanted to stop and give up, but I knew that the more I kept hiking the closer I would get to the campsite.
Not showering for five days and having to use a hole in the ground for a toilet when I didn't want to have helped me gain a lot of patience. I now know that things aren't always going to go my way and when struggles come I'll continue to work on them without complaining.
Being surrounded by nature's beautiful scenery has given me the opportunity to focus more on myself and realize the things that I need to do to better myself as a person.
We had to put in a lot of effort to survive on the trip, but in the long run the wilderness was actually fun. It took a lot of energy, open-mindedness, strength, courage and focus, but I strongly believe the trip was worth the effort.
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Excerpts from "What's Your Dream?" Essay Contest
In January, 2002, Thunder Road held an essay contest in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Teens were encouraged to write about their own dreams and what it might take to make them a reality. Here are four excerpts from the winners of that contest.
My dream is to put a stop to violence, racism and poverty. I will fulfill my dreams by being drug free and all around good person. I will not hold resentments against people, but forgive them. I will never give up on myself or anyone else. I'm very serious about my dreams and will do anything to fulfill them.
"Dream" Contest Winner Excerpt 1 (Written by A.G. in January, 2002)
I have a dream that when I speak people will listen. I dream that one day I find what my heart is missing. I dream that my intelligence does not go unnoticed. I dream that I am not hopeless. I dream of going to heaven. I dream to be loved. Drugs blinded visions of this life I could be living. I dream of success. I dream of not living a life full of regrets.
"Dream" Contest Winner Excerpt 2 (Written by C.P. in January, 2002)
My dream is for my Mom to put faith and trust in me. In the midst of my addiction I was very dishonest with her, mostly because I didn't want her to be disappointed in me.. I am at a point where my recovery is very vital to my life. I think that being here at Thunder Road is a huge stepping stone in achieving this dream because it is an amazing support system, and in putting forth effort, I am learning to positively express my feelings. I believe my mother is beginning to see this. I know I have turned onto the right path, and I dream of the day when my Mom can shine with pride as a result of that fact.
"Dream" Contest Winner Excerpt 3 (Written by J.T. in January, 2002)
I think the dream I have that is the hardest to see through is having a family. I know that I can be successful with my driven mentality and perseverance, but falling in love and being happy is out of my hands. I hope to have children and be there for them. I don't want them to have the same experiences growing up that I did so I'll put my kids first. I guess my true dream is to be happy. One thing that will never change is my dream to be content and at peace in my life.
"Dream" Contest Winner Excerpt 4 (Written by G.S. in January, 2002)
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Teenagers are Amazing
An appreciation of teenagers
By Khae
Teenagers are amazing
I wish the world would see,
Just how beautiful we are,
How compassionate we can be.
I wish they could take back,
All the cynical things they’ve said,
And see how much we shine.
Be positive instead.
Remark on our radiant smiles,
And the differences we make,
All of the people our lives touch.
All the chances that we take.
Notice how we change,
Each and every day,
Wanting to leave childhood,
Yet desperately wanting to stay.
I wish they could remember,
How tough our lives can be,
The promises that are broken
The violence we see.
Yet we still venture onward
Unsure of where the road may lead
Hoping they will take notice
Hoping they’ll take heed.
Of the changes that we’ve made,
Of the power that we hold,
Of the wisdom we have hidden.
Of the stories yet untold.
I hope the world will notice
What some have already seen
Teenagers are amazing people
Striving to follow their dreams.
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Unspeakable
A way to win
By Lewis
Going through my life
Unspeakable
My feelings towards tha word
Is unspeakable
But still I have them and wonder
If they’ll ever be reachable
Although my actions to them feelings
Will always be teachable
And on the way they’ll always be
Learnable
It seems like my path
Will relate to my past
And for that them feeling will stay
Lies and bad situations is what I have to pay
And trust is what I put on the line
Which has failed me once again
But as long as I keep moving to them feelings
I will win.
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Untitled
Questions and growing
By Catrina
I’m satisfied with what I have, but
I’m yet searching for more
Something that I’m familiar with, but
Have never felt before
And when I do find it, will I be able
To yield and accept?
Or, will I resist in fear of not knowing
Exactly what to expect?
Would I even know that my goal is
Finally achieved?
And how can I be so sure that this type of
Love can be received?
If in fact it does exist and is able to
Be attained
And if in my possession I lose it, I will
Merely go insane
Frightened by the thought itself, I enable
Myself to grow
And continue along my way, passing by a
Love that I may never know…
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A Farewell
"Goodbye to Thunder Road" by a client
Written by R.B. in 2002
There are no words to tell you all goodbye
but I promised myself that I would not cry
I thank you all so much
How much I care, you will all never know
I truly did not see myself sitting here 18 months ago
but I worked hard to be sitting in this chair
What helped me out the most is knowing that all of you really truly care
When I left here before, a lot of people had doubts
but I stayed strong and showed myself what I'm about
There are no words to say what Thunder Road meant to me
but to all of you in here....
Just take a look at me - all of you can do it
It's hard at times, but you will get through it
Stay clean and take it day to day
When you fall down, just sit down and pray
I will stay sober - I love life so much
So will all of you - just give it a try
I really miss you all
Thank you for everything you have given me
I will never forget any of you
So, to all you guys and girls, stay strong, OK,
goodbye
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What Thunder Road Means to Me
One client talks about her experience in treatment
Written by L.S. in 1996
There was once this moment in time when everything was brand new here. I never expected it to be this hard. Looking in from the outside, it looks just like a regular place, but walking through these doors and living life sober is never what I expected it to be.
Sometimes when I would wake up in the morning and walk out into the hallway I could just feel the pain in the air. The silence in my voice, the tears in my eyes, the pain inside is something I could never get used to, but I would deal with day after day.
I never knew I would hear the things I hear within these walls. I never knew that I would ever experience the pain, the sorrow, the grief, the joy, the happiness, and the life inside just one place, myself. You know, some of us walked into this program without a care in the world, without knowing the feelings to feel.
We were blinded by the streets, we were blinded by our pipes, and we were blinded by our pain. We didn't know how to feel, we didn't know how to listen. We had nothing left to lose and everything in the world to gain, but failed to see that before coming here. If you looked into our eyes you could see all the things that used to mean so much to us really didn't mean a thing to us anymore.
All we had left was our willingness to change, and some of us didn't even have that anymore. We sold our souls on the streets in order to survive. Coming here we had to learn to change in order to live. To endure life on life's terms is one of the hardest things to get used to.
We finally learn that the present is not the future, and the future holds no guarantees. Sometimes we come to this point in our treatment when we begin to think that kisses aren't contracts and rules are made to be broken. At that point we seem to forget the suffering that got us here and once we forget we slowly begin to commit suicide all over again.
Getting high was the only truth I ever knew growing up, but most of my growing up I have done within these walls. It was really hard to come to this point in treatment when I knew I would have to say goodbye to it all, and the day that I had longed for was finally here, and it had all come to an end.
But what I had to realize was that people come and go and some are a major presence in our lives. You all were a gift from my higher power and I have to accept you as that. I have found a lot of love, strength, and hope inside these walls. I hope that every single one of you not only find all of that within these walls, but also within yourselves.
Someone told me once that if you don't sit around and wait for the miracle to happen, you will spend the rest of your lives wondering what could have been and what never was. If you're ever wondering where the miracle might be? Look into the mirror and the miracle will be staring right back at you.
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